Monday, March 14, 2011

New Classes for Women. Sign up now!

Spring Classes for Women at

By Sat., March 15th, 2011


Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Target Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM&nb sp;for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Can a
Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of
ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Willie One Blood: Whiney Whiney

This is one of my very favorite songs of all time, from one of my very favorite movies of all time. I bet I've seen this movie 20 times and it's still just as funny. Gavin and I are watching it now. It's his first time seeing it.

Queen - 'Don't Stop Me Now'

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

God hates figs

OMG, it’s true!! This changes everything!

Mark 11:12-14

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. **

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Good Find: Why the English Language Sucks

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Joke of the Day

Two guys are sitting next to each other at a pub.

After a bit, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds, "Yes, I am from Ireland!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be from?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Galway."

The first guy responds, "And so am I! And what street did you live on in Galway?"

The other guy says, "I lived on Coach Street in the east part of town."

The first guy says, "So did I! And to what school did you attend?"

The other guy answers, "Well, I went to St. James."

The first guy gets really excited, and says, "So did I. What year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1975."

The first guy says, "I can hardly believe our luck at ending up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. James's in 1975 as well."

About this time, another guy walks into the pub and asks for a whiskey. He asks the bartender, "Hows it going?"

The bartender says, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Callahan twins are drunk again."